Maybe we all just need to chill the fuck out about weddings?

There's a post on Refinery 29 today entitled "26 Wedding Rules You Might Not Know." I won't find fault with the post itself (it's a garden-variety wedding etiquette post, of the type that appears every time Wedding Season rolls around) but it did get me thinking about the question of what is and isn't good form for weddings, be you on the wedding-having or wedding-attending side, and whether or not any of this nit-picky etiquette stuff actually matters.

Based on the number of articles, magazines and blog posts that exist telling people what to do and not do, and maybe more importantly the number and passionate nature of the comments posted in reply to them, there are many and varied and sometimes conflicting rules for weddings. If you're the couple getting married, this is supposed to be your Special Day where everything is exactly as you want it to be and your only obligation should be to bask in the glow of your shared love. BUT! if you don't greet each and every guest personally, if you have a cash bar despite the exorbitant amount that the venue wants to charge for liquor or a bartender or if you don't allow plus ones, thereby incurring expense for the privilege of having complete strangers present at your nuptials, you might be Doing it Wrong. And this is not even getting into the question of gifts - how much can you expect people to spend? What if you want a honeymoon registry instead of a registry at Target? Who are the gifts about anyway, the couple or the guests? So really, It's your Special Day where everyone bows to your wishes until someone thinks one of your wishes is tacky, at which point it's open season on shit-talking.

And guests run into their own opportunities to be shit-talked as well. Does the cost of attending the destination wedding atop Mount Kilimanjaro mean that you'll have to cash in your 401k to make it happen? How do you tactfully turn that invitation down? Did you bring a gift to the ceremony instead of sending it ahead of time? What the hell were you thinking?

All this shit just makes me feel tired, which is why my husband and I opted to get married at the courthouse with fewer than 20 people present instead of wading into the manners quagmire that is planning a wedding. But really, I think everyone needs to chill the fuck out. So your friends want cash instead of toasters for their wedding - so what? You're allowed to roll your eyes, but it is really worth getting your knickers in a twist over? Chill the fuck out. Maybe somebody showed up in a white dress - so what? You don't have to be thrilled about that, but does the presence of another white dress mean that you're somehow not the one getting married anymore? Chill the fuck out.

This is supposed to be a happy, fun time where everyone present (even the plus one strangers!) get to celebrate the commitment that these two people are making to each other. If one teeny-tiny aspect of the occasion doesn't meet with your exact expectations, let it go and focus on the positive aspects. It probably doesn't matter anyway.

Chill the fuck out.